If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
African Proverb
Catherine woke up with a new determination. She wasn’t going to spend the next twenty years of her life living at this frantic pace. Some people lived paycheck-to-paycheck, always hoping to still have enough money at the end of the month to pay the bills and praying an unexpected disaster would sink them financially. Catherine was doing that with time. She was shuffling to-do list tasks around to fill in every single “free” moment so that at the end of the day, the week, the month, she could barely remember the sensation of being truly still. Even when her body wasn’t in motion, her mind never slowed down.
It hadn’t always been like this. Okay, maybe it had been. But recently, it had gotten worse, and Catherine was finally aware of it. Even back in high school and college she had filled up her time with clubs and activities. Then it was the 24/7 of motherhood and homeschooling. The difference back then was the flexibility of her schedule that allowed you to cancel the school day or at least a subject or two if the pressure was getting too intense. All that changed last year when Catherine and her husband had made the decision to enroll their three children in a private Christian school. Catherine needed to go back to work. “Go back” was a funny way of putting it, because the only work Catherine had done before becoming a mom were the part-time and summer jobs she held in college and graduate school. Catherine had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, so the switch into working mom was more than just reassigning household chores, coordinating school and work schedules, and taking on a brand new career. This was a loss of Catherine’s identity.
At first, Catherine didn’t even have much time to grieve the loss and embrace her new reality. She was treading water trying to survive. But as the months went on and Catherine seemed to get her footing, she began to feel the loss of many of the things she had once enjoyed but was too busy for these days. Books? What were those? Catherine didn’t have time to sit and read a book. Movie night? She couldn’t keep her eyes open long enough to finish even a 90-minute Hallmark movie once the kids were finally in bed. This was her life: get up way too early, drag her sleepy body to work, work non-stop all day, rush out of work to pick the kids up from the bus stop, head home, and make dinner. Evenings included carpool to sports, scouts, and a variety of other activities the kids were in, homework help, and answering email. So many emails. After the kids were in bed, she had to do her own homework for the certification class she needed for work and then a little more work because she wasn’t knowledgeable enough about her new job to do her work at the same pace her colleagues performed. Then it was bedtime if she was going to wake up at that ungodly hour that started off with the number five. No alarm should ever be ringing when five is its first digit.
Last night, Catherine had broken down and sobbed to her husband. It’s not that he wasn’t sympathetic, it’s just that he couldn’t fully relate. He had worked his entire adult life. His day-to-day life had changed a bit with the kids heading to school, but it hadn’t been totally uprooted and tossed about like a tornado had slammed into it. His identity was rock solid. His struggle was trying to make ends meet with the new financial strains that tuition placed on the family and his wife’s salary didn’t fully cover. His struggle was in trying to lead his family well while his wife was coming undone. He was watching his wife unraveling and not knowing how to fix it. Catherine hated to burden him with her problems, mostly because she saw herself as the problem. What was wrong with her? The world is filled with working moms, all of whom seemed to be doing the job better than she was.
Last night’s tears had felt cathartic. Catherine had finally let out some of the tension that had been building up these past months. Once the tears subsided, her husband had unwrapped his arms from around her body, rolled over, and drifted off to sleep. Catherine, on the other hand, laid in bed thinking for hours. She had made a decision in the wee hours of the night that things would be different in the morning. Well, the late morning, because she was planning on sleeping in and not using her Saturday to catch up on all the tasks she hadn’t completed throughout the week.
At 9:00, Catherine gradually pulled herself from sleep. The mix of insomnia and tears had allowed her body’s internal clock to forgo its normal 7:00 weekend wake-up. The sunlight streaming through the cracks in the blinds helped her feel better about the day ahead. Catherine rubbed her eyes, clearing away the sandy sensation that comes after a late night cry, a feeling she was all too familiar with. She ran her fingers through her greying brown hair, rolled over, and silently spoke her prayer. Lord, I know this change is going to be hard, but please help me do it. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
With less will power than it usually took, for Catherine climbed out of bed, ready to face her day with a refreshed sense of joy. Still in her pajamas, Catherine walked downstairs, grabbed a cup of tea and a slightly stale chocolate muffin and curled up in her favorite chair with her work laptop. She hated using her work laptop for non-work related tasks, but her outdated iPad with the broken keyboard wasn’t going to cut it this morning. She also reasoned, that what she was planning would benefit her job as much as it would benefit herself.
Traveling Plan:
1) Sabbath rest. – I will do no work related tasks from Friday after I leave work until Sunday after church, except for emergencies or work travel.
2) Fun- I will do something fun each day.
I will watch a Netflix movie while I make dinner, even if it takes two weeks to complete in 15 minute chunks.
I will read a chapter in a book after dinner and before I touch my homework/work and not after.
I will not get sucked into Facebook “for a minute” just to relax. Facebook is for early morning waking up routine, grocery store lines, and after everything else is finished. 3) Friends- I will make plans with friends at least twice a month.
I will have at least one girl’s night and a one-on-one coffee date.
I will try to take walks or run errands with friends when possible.
4) Expectations- I will set realistic expectations regarding what tasks I can and cannot accomplish at work.
I cannot perform my job as well as those people who have been doing this for 10 years. I wouldn’t ever expect another new employee to perform at the same level as a veteran employee, so I can’t hold myself to that unrealistic expectation.
What can I do in the time that is available to me in a day?
I will leave at work anything that can be put off until tomorrow, because what comes home with my work bag is more than work; it’s guilt.
I will not check my work email after dinner.
5) Marriage- I will set up a date time with my husband for once a week. This could be a movie on a weekend, coffee on a Saturday morning, or a real date at a restaurant.
6) Kids: I will take out one of her kids for an after school snack or short “date” each week, rotating through so that I have time with them at least once a month.
Catherine looked over what she had written. She hoped she could do this. She needed to do this. Lord, help me do this. She had been rushing around for months, really for years. She was going fast, but she wasn’t getting anywhere. She was surrounded by people all the time, but she wasn’t connected to them. She needed to know that she wasn’t going to wake up twenty years from now and find out that she hadn’t lived her life she just raced through it and missed everything of real value.
Catherine saved her document for the final time and hit print. She’d place this in her prayer journal and maybe a second copy on the wall by her bathroom mirror. Next step: she texted her best friend.
Catherine: Hey. Want to go grocery shopping with me tomorrow after church
Liz: Sure.
Catherine: I’m trying to be intentional about not rushing through life. I would rather stroll through the aisles with a friend than just check this off my to-do list.
Catherine: Also, I wrote something today. I want you to read it and hold me accountable to it.
Liz: Sure. That’s what friend’s are for.
Catherine sent out emails to set up a girls night at Panera, looked at her calendar to set aside dates with her husband and kids for the next few weeks, and reached out to a colleague to see if she was up for grabbing a cup of coffee after work next week. Next Catherine browsed the books on the bookshelf in the den. There were probably a dozen or more books that she wanted to read and never had time for, but she needed to start with something easy and enjoyable. It had been so long since she’d relaxed that she needed to ease her way into it. She found just the thing. She pulled out her well-worn copy of Sense and Sensibility. Her family had always kidded that they three girls represented her own three kids temperaments, despite two of her kids being boys. She also browsed for a cheesy romance movie to watch this week as she prepared dinner. She added several to her watch list that were exactly the kind of move she loved and the rest of her family hated. Then she downloaded an audio book to listen to as she ran errands or took a stroll outside. Again, she went with a tried and true easy read, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. She knew all this might be overkill, but she figured she was more likely to stick to the plan if she actually made a plan.
Catherine was going to start embracing life even through the busy, messy season she was in. She was going to enjoy the time she had with her kids still in the house. She was going to make sure she invested in her marriage. She was going to make time for girlfriends. The people you travel with through this life are what make this life so amazing. Catherine was determined to embrace them. She expected to be traveling this road for a very long time. and she was tired of traveling it alone.