There once was a time when summers were incredibly lonely for me. My kids slept all day and/or spent hours in their rooms. My husband was at work. I could go the entire day without seeing another person until dinner. Often, needing to accomplish tasks at home, I would begin to feel isolated. Teachers are surrounded by people nearly every minute of my work day, so summer was a harsh difference.
Those days are no more. Friday night, my husband and I came home from our home fellowship group and discovered that the house was empty. It was the first time in probably six months or more that we didn’t have at least one child at home. I am not exagerating.
How did we celebrate this moment? First, I cleaned up what I thought was dog pee on the carpet. Then we sat down in our living room for a few minutes, and finally, we went to bed. It was incredibly anti-climatic and a serious waste of alone time.
Here’s the thing. We have three adults that live in our home who have vastly different schedules. (Early morning shift, daytime school, late evening shifts) Additionally, my husband works from home, and currently, I’m on summer break. While my husband and I regularly go out (together and apart), our kids are less likely to make plans. Someone is almost always home and usually at least one person is awake 24/7.
Sometimes, I need a little down time in my schedule.
During the school year I get half an hour in the car each way to be alone.
During summer break I need some me time. Quiet, uninterrupted time.
This can be challenging to find.
When I need to concentrate:
Our house is small and there aren’t many places to physically separate oneself. I sit on my porch (sometimes my sunroom) where I am out of the line of sight of people who might be chatting my ear off just because I am present. Sometimes I can go to my room, but even that isn’t a scared place.
Today, I really needed to get things done, so I put headphones on that include a giant sign declaring my need to work uninterrupted. I then sat in my husband’s office while he worked, because I knew he would respect the sign. He did.
When I need to be literally alone:
- I decided to start running three mornings a week. That’s a few minutes (hopefully growing in length) where I can do something healthy and be alone. So far, I have been doing this without headphones, simply focusing on my breathing and steps. I don’t think we live in silence enough, we always have some entertainment to keep our minds occupied. Sometimes I take a walk.
- I clean things, because nothing keeps people away from me more than seeing me doing a task that don’t want to be included in.
- I run errands like grocery shopping.
When I need to be figuratively alone:
I have found that headphones do not necessarily keep people from talking to me, especially if I am in another room (such as cooking dinner) because they can’t see me wearing them. I listen to audio books or sermons while doing other tasks and the headphones help me feel slightly more alone. It is a mild conversation deterrent especially in the grocery store.
Available to Engage and Social times
I don’t want to sound like I don’t want to engage people. I just sometimes need a bit of time alone. That means making as much time to be available for conversations and interruptions as possible. My husband likes for me to be a sounding board for him throughout the day. My son likes to share his thoughts from time to time in bursts. I need to offer them as much time as possible so that when I need time to be alone or concentrate on a project I can do so without guilt. So, I put my book down, take my headphones off, and invite conversation as often as possible.
I hope this summer, you can find a nice balance between being alone and being with your people.