After my father passed away I wanted to ease my mother’s loss by doing some traveling with her, something her and Dad had done together. However, after I got married, I spending extended time with my mom could be frustrating. We had very different ideas of what family travel looked like. I recall one long weekend my mother, my sister, and I traveled to Lancaster County, PA. Upon returning home I told my husband that 48 hours was about the maximum amount of time I could spend with my family in a single hotel room before wanted to bang my head against the wall. And, don’t even get me started on what a cross country camping trip looks like with my mom.
Once I had kids, this got a little more complicated. Mom wasn’t great at saying what she wanted, and I wanted to maintain some semblance of normal parenting for my kids (i.e. 3 large desserts the same night is not okay). This meant we would sometimes be passive aggressive or bicker like an old couple. While we had some fun vacations, including a trip to Disney, I began dreading taking the kids up to Vermont for time with their grandmom.
Then, Jay made a suggestion. Make a game of it: The Yes game. Whatever your mom suggests, just say yes to. No conflict, just say yes. I figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Here’s how it went.
Mom: Do you want to go to the Maple Museum tomorrow?
Me: YES! Of course I do.
Mom: Great. I’ve wanted to take you there. The kids will love it.
(Arrive at Maple Museum. )
Mom: I’m going to stay in the car. My knees are bad, and I was here last week with friends. Take your time.
*Me in utter disbelief: WHAT THE WHAT?
Mom: Do you want to go to the Bennington Battle Monument?
Me: YES!
(Arrive at monument.)
Mom: I’m going to stay in the car. I can’t walk up all those steps.
*Me thinking: I guess that makes sense, but why are we here?
Mom: Those statues are all around town, on the way home, do you want to take some pictures with the kids and them?
Me: Yes! That sounds like fun.
Mom: I’m not going to get out. I’ve seen them before. You take the kids, and I’ll wait.
*Me thinking: This is actually getting pretty funny now.
Pretty much, this was the entire week. I said yes to everything Mom asked about. Mom did approximately none of these things. And you know what? The kids had a great time. I had a surprisingly good time. And Mom, sure seemed like she had good time. What Mom really wanted to do was show us her world, the things that interested her, and the town she considered her second home. I learned a lot that week, both about how to make for a low conflict family vacation, but also about what brought my mom joy. So, do I enjoy traveling with my family? YES! Of course I do!
