So, I turned 46 this month. I am clearly middle aged. Statistically, I’ve already lived more than half of my life, though I don’t like admitting that. The problem I have isn’t with my age, I’m totally okay with that. The problem I have is with my body. For the past few years I have worked to take better care of my body. I started running, but then stopped and started and stopped. I tried a few diets, but nothing worked until recently. Each year, I find my body adding more aches and pains. I deal with insomnia and dizziness that I didn’t have years ago. I’ve been in for my annual physical, pap test, and even a mammogram like a good girl.
This year, I lost a significant amount of weight bringing me to healthy weight for the first time in over 20 years. If memory serves me right, I weigh less than when I got married. The question is wether my memory is correct, because more and more I am forgetting things. I blame the million things I need to keep track of for why I forget what I wanted to say or why I walked into the kitchen. I recall making fun of my mom for that…when she was my age now.
I pulled my back out last week. How? I was bending over stretching before I went for a run that I was only taking to help me grow physically stronger. Ironic. My body apparently rejects the idea of exercise. Now I’m in physical therapy, and it hurts to even walk around the block once. I’m on medication that makes it harder to think than usual.
I went to the eye doctor and needed extra testing because my retina is thinning or some such thing, and I’m at a high risk for detachment. I was reminded of all the signs to look for, you know, like going completely blind. They also checked my hearing which thankfully was better than the last time when they told me my one ear missed 3 of the 5 sounds. So, you know, I might be going deaf.
I went to the dentist. Cleanings are painful for me because my gum line is receding. They talked about how to help prevent it, and then explained horrible things like a gum grafts.
You know what also comes with this age? Menopause. I had always thought that meant that my periods would gradually taper off and disappear, but that’s not what happens. I’ve talked to my girlfriends. You know what happens first? Heavier periods. I have them more often, more painful, and now with more acne. Middle age acne and facial hair.
As a kid, I thought my parents were so old when they were really just my age. My idea of old keeps creeping up the number line. Despite that, my body is feeling the effects of its 46 years. My back, mind, eyes, ears, and gums are just not what they used to be. There is only so much that I can do to change this.
We live in a fallen world, and this aging body is an inevitable part of life. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take care of ourselves, but it’s frustrating to know that in most cases our bodies are only going to get worse. It reminds us that we were made for a different world. This place is not our home. When these bodies finally fail us completely (I hope I’ve got another 40 or 50 years left out of this shell), we’ll get a new body that won’t have aches and pains. It’s a promise that those of us in Christ can hang onto.
We are all trying to reduce or reverse the impact of aging and that’s not a bad thing. We want to be able to live active healthy lives for as long as possible, When we see our wrinkled hands, greying hair, stretch marks, age spots, and those mustaches that we wish weren’t sprouting, we can see this all as building our anticipation for our new bodies. When our backs ache and our vision blurs, and we forget what we were suppose to be doing, we can rest in the promises (assuming we can remember them) of no more pain and no more sorrow.
Bring it, body!
