Fathers Setting the Bar for Marriage

Working on my website this past week, I came across a very old tribute piece I wrote for my Dad. While I’m pretty biased about how great my dad was, truthfully, his greatness is more objective than subjective. (Ask any of my friends or my siblings’ friends who hung around our house growing up, ask the guys from his Boy Scout Troop, ask the people from our church, ask his friends in the caving club, or ask my relatives.) There are just those people in the world who are the whole package: loving, smart, capable, giving, fun, athletic, and more. Dad was one of those people. Dad set the bar very high for the men who I would date, and the man I would one day marry.

My husband is very different from my father, but only in presentation, not in character. He has lived up to blue prints my dad laid down in my life for what a marriage would look like.

Here’s an example: When my mom was in her late 40’s, she felt the call to go to seminary and become a pastor. My dad supported her not only financially so that she could leave her job and attend graduate school, be he took on the lion’s share of parenting and household responsibilities really from that point on and moved almost an hour and a half from his job (commuting for several years) to live near the church where she was appointed.

My husband made similar though probably less intense sacrifices for me to obtain a teaching position and license. He also freed me up to serve in various ministries and supporting my writing career not only financially, but with technical support including but not limited to countless hours need to build me several websites.

I don’t know what my children have gleaned from watching my husband and I, but I hope they will take away a few important things.

Marriage Lesson

We love each other deeply, and we are affectionate (probably too much for the kids liking).

We support each other in our jobs, our interests, our hobbies, and in all things related to our home and family. We share the load physically, mentally and emotionally. We work to our strengths so we can more effectively divide and conquer.

We prioritize Jesus Christ in all that we do. That means being a part of a church congregation and attending services weekly (even while traveling when possible), prioritizing our individual time of Bible study, and bringing God into our daily lives through prayer, theological discussion, and decision making.

We talk. We laugh. We enjoy one another’s company. That means date nights, sitting at the table together even when only one person is eating, and taking walks together. We prioritize our marriage relationship over all other relationships including our children, our parents, and our friends.

I feel lucky to have found such a good man to have married, but I know it wasn’t just luck. I watched my parents, I listened to their advice, and I prayed. I hope my children will do the same.

 

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