A combination of a sore throat, poor decisions (in the form of some really great books), and a 46 year old body has left be lacking in one of my favorite things: sleep.
This made me start to think of all the things that I have given up in life that I miss.
Sleeping Through the Night
I have always been a deep sleeper. As a child, this meant bedwetting into elementary school and falling out of bed several times a night. (I slept with a mattress on the floor next to my bed for quite a while.) Sleep is glorious, and I was an expert, staying asleep even after falling out of bed. Now, not so much. I stay up too late, and am forced up too early. My back, neck, and shoulders cry out for me to turn over several times a night. My bladder is much like my six year old self, but now it wakes me up and forces me from the covers into the darkness each night. Racing thoughts lead to insomnia. I sure miss getting a good night’s sleep.
Child-like Freedom
I’m a generally happy person, but my adult self can be a real bummer. There are so many responsibilities, that so often I forget to play and relax. I hold my stress in my neck and shoulders, and that is literally the only place where my muscles are rock hard. I need to marvel at bugs, lay in the grass and watch the clouds float past, and run barefoot in the sand (as much as I detest nature’s version of glitter). I need to paint, dance, and have playdates with friends much more often.
Unlimited Calorie Intake
Long gone are the days of stuffing my mouth with sugary, fat-laden treats with no addition to my waistline. Sure I eat them, but in tiny sad portion sizes spread out across days they way they once were spread across hours. My body isn’t 15 any more, but neither is my self-control or my need to have everything I want when I want it. I wish I didn’t need to give this up, but I’m healthier for the loss.
But here are a few things that I am glad I’ve done away with.
Worries about Popularity
Please don’t get me wrong. My desire to have a writing and speaking career requires some degree of promotion to create an audience, but I am no longer looking at the “cool kids” with envy. I’m living my life surrounded by my tribe, being me. My striving is to be a better version of me not turn myself into someone that others will like better. I don’t need the superficial accoladed of others to find my validation. I’ve grown more secure in who I am, and that sure is a lighter load to carry.
Being Caged in by Fear
I have so many fears, but as I got older, I’ve pushed myself to not miss out on opportunities because of those fears. One of those fears was the use of public transportation to travel, especially alone. That is planes, trains, and automobiles. Each time I have taking the NYC subway, flown on a plane, or used a cab, I’ve survived, and haven’t gotten too lost. It’s encouraged me to try again. I’m never going to jump from an airplane, but that’s not something I would feel like I missed out on. But never seeing Europe, or not getting to visit friends in the city, those are experience I’m not willing to let fear rob from me. When public speaking was scary, I did it more. When making small talk at a work event made my anxiety skyrocket, I set goals for myself and reached out to someone new. There’s a world full of adventures waiting just on the other side of fear that are calling my name.
Rules that Aren’t Rules
I’m a total rules follower. I can’t help it, most of the time. I don’t necessarily like to follow them, but I find myself forced into submission by my internal code of rightness. Yet, the older I get the more I see a rebellions part of me rearing up. The part of me that has begin to question the rules that seem to be questionable. The part of me that sees rules that harm and have decided to work towards getting those rules changes. Sometimes I’m not as diplomatic as I probably should be, and I’m working on finding the happy medium between submitting to authority and creating dissension. Forty-six year old me has a lot more fight then 16 or 26 year old me ever had. She just might change the world. She sure is happier.
What things have you given up for the good or the bad?
