Each December 31st, I write a post reflecting on the past year and planning for the future. Today, as we enter a new decade, I am looking further back. Twenty-five years to be exact.
The year was 1994. I was a senior in college. I had no job lined up, no boyfriend, and having moved during college, I felt like I didn’t even have a “hometown” to return to. My entire life felt unstable on that Saturday night. What I did have that night was a date. A daddy daughter date. It was possibly the most impactful date of my life. My dad took me to the movies, and we spent the evening talking. That night Dad would pass on a great deal of wisdom. Had I known how little time I had left with him, I might have listened more closely. Dad helped me to sort out a lot of uncertainty in my life. My dad would walk me through a lot of changes over the next 15 months, but he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle two years later. The honor of placing my hand into Jay’s hand would go to my brother Eric, but the events that led to my wedding can be traced back to that New Year’s Eve conversation with my dad.
Twenty-five years has brought both joy unimaginable and pain indescribable. I have been married and orphaned. I have both birthed and buried children. I have gone from college student to stay-at-home mother to school teacher. I have lost and found myself too many times to count.
New Year’s Day 1995 I called Jay. I don’t recall much about that phone call. I don’t know if I told him that I loved him. I am pretty sure I told him that I was choosing him. We made plans for a date a week later. We’ve been together ever since.
I entered 1995 single.
I entered 1996 engaged.
I entered 1997 fatherless.
I entered 1998 married.
I entered 1999 and 2000 pregnant.
I entered 2001 a foster parent.
I entered 2002 pregnant and a grandparent.
The next 10 years followed with much of the same, raising kids, homeschooling, youth ministry.
I entered 2012 as a working mother.
I entered 2016 motherless.
I entered 2017 having lost a child.
I entered 2019 recovering from the flu but 30 pounds lighter than the year before.
Many of the last 25 years have been marked by major changes. During that time, I have rung in the New Year while living in seven different homes. Some years were marked with joyful anticipation and others with mournful loss. Some were marked by events outside of my control and others the result of conscious choices and hard work.
Here are a few things I have learned over the past 25 years.
- Much of this life is out of our control.
- God is good.
- Marriage can be hard at times, but it’s worth the work.
- The same can be said for parenting.
- People are the only thing more precious than time.
- Loss is inevitable.
- God is still good.
- Life doesn’t look like our dreams but keep dreaming.
- We don’t achieve our goals passively.
Moving Forward into 2020
In 2018 I set a goal for myself to lose 55 pounds. It took from June 2018 to May 2019. It was hard and at times extremely frustrating. It was daily work. Keeping that weight off for the past seven months has been challenging but rewarding. What I learned is that committing to a goal and chipping at it a little bit each day results in progress. Hoping doesn’t get the job done.
This year I am going to set a new goal. I’m going to become an author. Last year I decided to read every day. While reading is a good thing for an aspiring author, it’s passive. I need to write/edit everyday. Reading someone else’s words is easier and honestly at times more enjoyable than creating my own. My writing won’t be the quality I desire. That’s okay. It will take practice and hard work, but you can’t get there until after you start. It will need to learn and to persist. It is not, however, out of my reach. This year, I intend to publish my first novel. No vague working towards this goal. Before 2020 ends, I want to have my first full length novel self-published on Kindle.
Life might happen. This year will likely bring a mix of bliss and sorrow. Yet, as far as it is in my control, this year I will write. I will write my own story both literally and figuratively.
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